I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
