So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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