And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
