apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
