im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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