I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
