I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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