We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
