Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A+ Viking dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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