So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
