nutella sex= disaster
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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