Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
