I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
