: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
