Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
