I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
