please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
