oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
