My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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