I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was CRYING into my vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
