Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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