I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
