You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
