Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
