i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
