We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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