Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
