I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
