wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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