I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
