It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
