If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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