i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
