Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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