I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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