My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
