When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
