I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They took my balls.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
