This girl is more easily done than said...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
