We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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