i permit you to call me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
