Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
