I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
