I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
