video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
