When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
