If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
