I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
