I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
