Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
